Loki and Ingrid 51

This is the second-to-last part. I still have some things to wrap up here, and the final part will take place during ENDGAME so spoilers there--please go see it it's amazing, k bye. I guess the next part will sort of be a "5 years later..." if you know what i mean.

Gone—

I wake up abruptly on a strange ship. Everything feels so still and quiet. Like Thanos somehow stopped the universe from spinning. Like time is frozen, and everyone is just waiting until something, anything, breaks the cycle. I’m all alone, cold, somehow alive, and surrounded by a bright light. I don’t open my eyes, but I know I’m on some sort of spacecraft. I can hear a low humming from the engine, and I can feel myself lying on a low cot. I’m still alive, somehow, I’m breathing. Have I been captured by the enemy? Of course, they wouldn’t just let me die, I know too much. Where’s Thor? I’m suddenly filled with dread. Oh, please, somebody has to help him. I try to calm myself. He’s probably dead too. I could be the sole survivor, save for those who got away in escape pods. Well, I got away, Loki. Maybe. Maybe I just got myself captured. I’m sorry I didn’t leave sooner, I couldn’t.

          “Wake up, sleepyhead.” Where have I heard that voice before. It can’t be. I force my eyes open.

          “Lyd?”

          “Yeah, it’s me. This is my ship, so don’t mess it up, got it?”

          “What are you doing here? Where are we?”  

          “My ship. And I saved, you, idiot.”

          “How did you—how did you know where to find me?”

          “Well, I’m glad I left Asgard when I did, since it was destroyed—”

          That’s still not easy to hear, but I don’t say anything. I’m still in shock. Why? I knew it was coming. Sometimes, nothing can prepare you for that sinking feeling of isolation and despair that comes with it.

          “I—, well I don’t know if you want to talk about it—”

          “No one survived that ship after Thanos came,” I say, “We had some forewarning, and I helped them escape.”

          “Are you sure?”

          I hadn’t thought about it. I knew it. I know how to tell when a connection is broken. A mental thread shattered. I’m not stupid. This isn’t like before. Before I always had a sense, he was still there somewhere, just pranking death as only a trickster could. I had a feeling. I always knew. We understood each other. I know when that feeling is gone.

          “I saw it. It wasn’t like last time—well, it was, but more real. It wasn’t an illusion this time.”

          “Did he kill Thor too?”

          “He was on the ship, he—”

          “He’s alive. He’s a god. He knows what he’s doing.”

          “He doesn’t have his hammer anymore. It was destroyed by Hela. Before Asgard—” I can’t make myself finish the sentence.

          “He doesn’t need it, he’s Thor.”

          “He can survive in space.”

          “Yeah. But you weren’t there to pick him up too.”

          “I would have if I’d seen him, Ingrid! I really would have! Everyone who was on that ship was already dead. Except for you. And Thor. He’s not dead. Not yet.”

          I nod. I don’t know what to say.

          “How did you find me?”

          “I, um—”

          “Lyd. Tell me.”

          “After Asgard was destroyed—I was watching—I contacted the refugee ship…I contacted Loki. Tell me, if this makes sense to you, but he told me you wouldn’t run—so I’d have to be on standby if anything happened with the ship—if you got captured, or if the ship exploded—”

          “He knew I wasn’t,” I whisper, “I couldn’t. Just like he couldn’t let Thor die. Or you couldn’t kill me.”

          “I was messing around.”

          “Stop. This isn’t a good time—”

          “I know.”

          “Wait—Loki told you to wait for me?”

          “Well, I wasn’t waiting. I was damn ready to attack that ship, I—I wanna kick Thanos’ ass so bad.”

          “I know. Nebula too.”

          “Who?”

          “I—Gamora and Nebula both. The surviving daughters of Thanos—”

          “Oh.”

          “We can’t let him win.”

          “Ingrid, you’re weirdly calm.”

          “What do you want me to do?” I ask, “I don’t have anything.” Of course, he’d make sure I’m safe. Of course, he would. I never should have doubted. Maybe that takes some of the guilt off, if he already knew.

          “So, you did need me after all?”

          “Lyd, I’m sorry. I was—Loki and I were talking—”

          I half expect her to say something rude about me being his bitch again, but no. She looks—confused, for lack of a better word. I would say sad, but that doesn’t feel right. It was always masked by anger, rage, some sort of conviction.

          “What are you—?”

          “You can’t read my mind, Ingrid.”

          “I—”

          “I’m not asking for anything. We should get to earth soon.”

          “Where are the pods going? I need to meet up with the others.”

          “Thor isn’t with them. I know that.”

          It feels strange for a minute. Canute and Colby…if they’re alive. It would be so strange after all this time—

          “Oh, right,” says Lyd, “You have family.” It doesn’t feel right the way she says it. It should be sneering or condescending, but it isn’t. She doesn’t sound jealous. Just hurt. “I’m sorry about Calder.”

          “Thanks.” It feels so wrong to think of him now. Even he didn’t know what was coming. I’m alive now, and I have to do something. She knows I’m sorry for her and everything that happened. It’s wrong, everything feels wrong. I know how desperate she is to get to Thanos— I know because I want it to. But I know that we would never be strong enough. But we have to try.

          It feels wrong. It’s self-indulgent of me. But maybe she doesn’t care. But I think she does. And that makes me more uncomfortable than her usual cynicism. As much as she said about Loki…The things Calder said about me—and the things Loki said about Calder. None of it matters now.

          I can’t be needy or self-indulgent in front of Lyd, for she would only mock her. I can’t say I’m sorry—for her.

          “We’re here,” says Lyd, opening the door on the ship. “

          I nod.

          “We’ll meet the survivors shortly.”

          “Is Sif alive?”

          “I sent her into hiding. I don’t know where she is. And that’s for the best.”

          I nod again. She’s right. I’m being self-indulgent again. I can’t think about anything else. It’s her brother we’re talking about. But as far as I knew, she always shunned association with him.

          “Ingrid, is that you?”

          “Queen Ingrid!” I hear cries from people here. They still think of me as queen. They want my leadership.

          I step up. It’s time for me to speak. “It is I, Ingrid Queen of—no.”

          So many desperate eyes on me, asking for help.

          “Sif is in hiding.” I announce.

          “Where’s Thor?” shouts someone, “Thor!”

          “I don’t know. Lydvor here believes him to be alive.”

          “He has to come back!”

          “Rightful king!

          “Thor!”

          “He already resumed power. I’m not Queen anymore—I never was a rightful ruler—”

          “But he isn’t here! Who can help us!”

          I raise my hand for silence. “Brunhilde is doing fine in command.”

          “She just showed up—”

          “She’s a Valkyrie. Besides, Thor trusts her.” I say.

          Everyone is still focused on me.

          “Heimdall is dead.”

          There’s a hushed silence, as if they can barely believe it. First, their home world, then half of their race, now their protector—”

          “I’m not Queen.” I say again, “I’m just telling you what I know.” I don’t know if anyone would care if I said anything. They never liked him. None of it sounded legitimate. I don’t even know what I would say. I’m silent. I’m still getting hit with questions but I don’t hear them. I try to breathe. I try to get control. I’ve never been the news bearer—not even when Calder—no. Not him.

          They all know about Calder, harsh as he was. I need to get out. I need to find Canute and Colby. I look at Lyd. She’s silent. She’s the good one at talking, but alas, no one would listen to a frost giant, oh—her people are gone now too. She’s the last surviving Jotun, we have to—

          Lyd looks at me, not in exasperation like I expect, just in earnest.

          “It was honorable.” I begin. “An honorable attempt. Thanos—he was there for one thing, one thing only. The tesseract. Yes, one of the six. Loki gave up the stone to protect Thor.”

           “Why did he have it in the first place?” asks someone.
          “Why didn’t he leave it on Asgard?”

          “Where is he now?”

          “What do you know, Ingrid?”

          I raise my hand for silence again. “He told me that he was afraid to lose it in space—that it would have not been destroyed in the fire. He knew far more about infinity stones than I ever did, when we were researching years ago. He had experience with their likeness.”

          “He got half of us killed!”

          “In cahoots with Thanos!”       

          “He was brainwashed on his trip to Midgard the first time. I know. I was there. He hated Thanos. Thanos—the stone wasn’t enough for him. He probably would have killed me too if he knew I was there—I know too much,” I tell them, “And none of you should trust me.”

          I hear a few murmurings from the crowd.

          Lyd steps up now. “I would trust her. She knew him better than anyone.”    

          Did I? I let that question linger as I slip out of the assembly, quietly to go find my family.

***

          “Ingrid? You’re alive!”

          It’s Canute, and Colby is there too.

          “I saved her per Loki’s request. Let’s not mince words,” says Lyd, approaching suddenly. “Loki is dead. I don’t know where Thor is, but I know he’s alive. And Sif is in hiding.”

          Canute nods. Both pairs of eyes of my brothers are fixed on me. They’re expecting me to say something, tell them, explain something. I don’t know what to say.                  

          “Ingrid, can you hear me?” asks Colby.

          I nod. I still can’t speak. I don’t know if I can ever speak. All of my anger, my willpower is gone and forgotten. I’m just glad they’re here and alive.

          “Ingrid is relieved but shocked,” says Lyd, her face pinched in concentration. “She—she’s glad you’re here—and I am—and she’s sorry—sorry about what Ingrid?”

          I can’t speak. I don’t know. Everything. Calder, I guess.

          “She says Calder.”

          I nod. I don’t even feel like fighting Thanos.

          “She doesn’t feel like fighting Thanos. She’s exhausted. Leave that to Thor and me.”

          I nod. Thank you.

          “Sorry, mind reading never came as naturally to me as it did for Loki—”

          I nod. I still can’t speak. I’m sorry.

          Lyd nods.

          I’m sorry about—I know you say you don’t care, but…I thought that about Calder too.

          Lyd nods. “Thanks.”

          I understand. It’s complicated.

          “I never really—I still had a lot to fix. I’m just glad Thor was able to fix it with him.”

          I nod. I’m sorry. I had a lot to fix with Calder too. It was too soon after he—changed his mind about us.

          “I gotta go touch base with Thor. You rest, got it?”

          I nod. Thanks, Lyd. You asked what I wanted you to do—I just need a friend. Oh, and be safe.

          She nods. I hear her leave as I lean back in the recliner in the room. It’s time to rest. And see.